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i suppose "too picky about semantics" is an argument feminists hear a lot?

  • Apr. 4th, 2009 at 10:40 PM
tree too
so today i told someone that, unless the person addressing me is matthew, i really, really, really dislike being called "Mom."  i don't care if the person is another member of my family or what, i am no one's mother but matthew's, and no one else gets to call me "mom" because that means they are addressing me by a job or role title instead of by my name.  i'd be similarly insulted if someone i worked with closely yelled at me "hey, Designer!" or "hey, Secretary!"  being a mother is a thing that i do, the title of "Mom" is not how i wish to be addressed because i am more than just someone's mother.  "Mom" is not my identity, and is certainly not my role to anyone on earth but one.  

so when i told the offending party how much this bothers me and how much i do not wish to be addressed as "Mom" as if it were my name, they argued that i was being "too picky about semantics" and that in their family that's how things went and, i shit you not, did it twice more in the course of ten minutes.  

am i being too picky about semantics?  or should that not matter, since the offending party should respect that it bothers me regardless of the reason?

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
[info]absolutcalm wrote:
Apr. 5th, 2009 01:59 pm (UTC)
Even if you were being picky about semantics, only a dickhead continues and abuses something after you've told them you don't like it.
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[info]tchemgrrl wrote:
Apr. 5th, 2009 02:38 pm (UTC)
"I prefer not to be called X" is a perfectly reasonable request, no matter what X is, even without explanation. You did them the added favor of explaining why, and they still did it (and without apologizing, as could have happened if they genuinely did it by accident)? Jerky behavior.
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[info]antarcticlust wrote:
Apr. 5th, 2009 03:03 pm (UTC)
I don't think you're being too picky at all. You have a name, after all. It would be one thing if you thought it was cute, but you don't. Also, "Mom" is a highly personal nickname. I think that it was blatantly disrespectful and dismissive of your feelings.
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[info]harlotbronte wrote:
Apr. 5th, 2009 03:30 pm (UTC)
It's not a question of semantics; it's an issue of blatant assholery. Whether the person agrees with you or not, a decent human being would respect your request and discontinue the behavior that you've told them makes you uncomfortable.

And just to clarify: I take language with a *huge* grain of salt. It takes a lot for words to offend me, and I think people are increasingly sensitive when it comes to language. That being said, you have every right to be bothered by a word, and every right to tell someone that something they say is bothering you. They don't have to agree, but they should certainly respect your feelings and back off. Period.
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[info]world_rim_walke wrote:
Apr. 5th, 2009 04:25 pm (UTC)
The offending party should respect what you wish to be called.
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[info]kiwikat wrote:
Apr. 5th, 2009 05:09 pm (UTC)
Even if they think you're being silly, anyone who keeps calling you something after you've told them you dislike it is being rude and disrespectful.
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[info]killien wrote:
Apr. 5th, 2009 08:24 pm (UTC)
yet another person chiming in gaa the only person i would call mom is my own mother --with the caveat of joking around--
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[info]hozed wrote:
Apr. 5th, 2009 10:51 pm (UTC)
Next time, ignore anyone calling you mom until they use your name.
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[info]evilbobrex wrote:
Apr. 5th, 2009 11:35 pm (UTC)
the first time is forgivable.
any time after you have expressed your desire to not be addressed further in that manner, they are being offensive assbags who need their asses handed to them.
it's not semantics, it's got nothing to do with feminism.

when people call me "guy" "buddy" "hey" "man" "friend" "dude" "yo" "my man" "goy" (any version of "g") "sweety" "kid" "kiddo"
I ignore them the first time. after that, if they manage to get my attention I tend to behave dismissively to them, express that none of those things have anything to do with any manner in which I will be addressed, and suggest that they find the person they were refering to, as it's not me.
not going to go into what I do if they keep that crap up.
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[info]angrybunnyman wrote:
Apr. 6th, 2009 12:11 am (UTC)
Ditto everyone.
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[info]toasteraviator wrote:
Apr. 6th, 2009 07:06 am (UTC)
You're being as picky as you want to be about semantics, which is not too much nor too little, but just right for you. And you're right, it shouldn't matter anyway. Just because this is how it's done in their family does not mean that's how it's done in your family. That does not disrespect their family, however pushing their family traditions on you through your open dissent does disrespect your family.
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[info]ikkeikke wrote:
Apr. 8th, 2009 02:02 pm (UTC)
"That's funny, in my family we punch dickheads!"

Things I wouldn't really say but would think, because really, how the hell is that a justification?
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( 12 comments — Leave a comment )